a new lover surprised me

before we even reached our destination

playfulness radiated from his fingers

the electricity caught me off my guard

i told him to take me whereever

he chose a park i have loved

since childhood

we found seclusion

lay down a blanket

took turns playing

with each other's bodies

he refused to indulge

when i begged for pain

this denial was exquisite

and intriguing

i reflect on gentleness

unbidden

i reflect on kindness

unsought

i reflect on peace

unasked

perhaps i am deserving

after all

perhaps i have myself

backwards

perhaps i want

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